The thought of the world having the chance in some way, to know me from something I have done – intending to do not fall out of a plane and survive. (smiling) Is very very, exciting for me to attempt to do something to benefit many. I love the thought of it on some level; It is a responsibility. I don’t know where I got it from. It bugs me, if I ignore it I tried before.
At first, I just wanted to say whatever when I write. A angry poem thing to let off steam. I got past that stage it helped me tremendously to release, my anger. Lol! However, I was feeling when ready to write you read some of it here. If not go back if you want. Prolly won’t need to go back very far.
The problem is I exercise my emotions thoroughly, when I write. So anger is about all that is left, I try to keep it away from my writing with compassion being my thing. Though, sometimes anger was just what I needed. So poems are my outlet for Anger. I love them for that, I still debate if it is helpful for anyone to read it.
I still think that it is good, great in fact to just write at will saying how I feel because, it allows you to get to know me as a person. But, then I thought, I may never get the chance again. Make it count.
With that said, I only need to write a few books. “Need” being the keyword here. I only “need” to write a few books, my calling will be over. I have a feeling they will be significant in helping people one day, my books I’m writing now. But, for now, I am happy with them having the potential to help many.
Makes me very happy to know.
However, I like the idea of relief from the pressure, the next time I write something, one day relaxed I would love that. Soon. I don’t feel I can write any other way for now. I don’t know what that is other than still trying to prove my worth as a writer, when you say one day “She was right.” I smile, then we’re good together.
I feel this duty in the interim, to be understood clearly by, everyone. Why, not sure that’s even possible anymore on earth. (laughs) I believed it was possible at one time. I am finding, I thought a lot about writing being my purpose. What if no one, agreed. (( laughing )) That’s hilarious, if no one agreed with me then what would I do.
I would have to have my “Gut Instinct” checked twice. There isn’t one doubt in my mind I could be incorrect. I just don’t think so. This is the only way, I know to do what I need to do.
I am going to sleep, happy.