I knew my mom had issues way back when. I knew her judgement was off. So, I got away from her when, I was young. However, not before she messed my self esteem up.
Kids my age were of no real interest to me. They didn’t like jazz etc. If you have read The Trees Outside you know more of why. I explained in that book what growing up in a all white neighborhood; being black was like for me.
On top of having a white father, I never identified with and siblings who can pass. Not blaming anyone but, I said that to make a point. We have issues as kids just by existing. I don’t believe are realized.
Doesn’t have to be issues only, if made into one by how we feel about it. My mom could of saved me so much heart ache. She didn’t know what she was really doing.
The best thing to tell your children or any children you come across is that nothing, is their fault. Whatever, is happening to them growing up is not because of them. Adults know this but, kids don’t.
Things you may not even think they believe to be their fault. Like getting a divorce or losing a job. Kids need to be told it’s not their responsibility to make it better. They didn’t cause it or deserve it.
I think it is the most important thing to do in order, to empower a child to feel good about themselves in the midst of drama. Anyone can do it for them. I didn’t have the benefit of being told that growing up. It is like magic. It works.
I told a few kids who were being raised by unhealthy people. One of those kids found me recently, told me I changed her life. I needed to hear that right now. I told her, you just changed mine “How” she said.
“I am so, proud of you.” I was afraid she didn’t believe she was okay. Thinking, I was just saying something to make her feel better because, I was. Even though, what I was saying is true.
She told me, “I hung on to that every time, I felt bad and had done nothing wrong.” I asked, “How did you know to do that.” “You told me.” With that said, I know it sinks in and works.
I don’t even remember telling her is the funny thing about it. I am glad I did.